Samus and the Beast
by Storygirl000
Summary: A Smash Bros parody of a classic fairytale. As if there weren't enough of those already.
1. Prologue

**It's been awhile** **since I've done any Super Smash Bros stuff, and I still haven't made any more progress with Krampus, so here's a fairy tale parody to keep you entertained.**

00000

 **Prologue**

Samus had been lounging in her room at Smash Mansion all day when Bayonetta came in carrying a large box.

"What's that?" Samus asked her.

Bayonetta smiled. "A package from the girls."

In a flash, Samus had grabbed the box and opened it up.

Inside was a letter, a few pieces of tech, a pair of ruby necklaces, and...a book.

Samus started reading the letter. "Dear Samus and Bayonetta, we decided to send you a few things that we had no use for. Enclosed you'll find some spare parts from Chell, a couple of necklaces I found while adventuring (no worries, they're not all-powerful or anything) and Juliet's...latest piece of literature. Signed, Lara." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh, no."

"Juliet sent another one of her fanfics, huh?" Bayonetta asked. "Let me take a look." She pulled it out of the box and smiled. "Interesting title. 'Samus and the Beast'. If I knew better, I'd say it was a parody fic."

Samus flopped down on her bed. "Why does she torment me so?"

Bayonetta shrugged. "What're we going to do it?"

Mario peeked in the door. "Just so you girls-a know, it's-a your turn to read-a to the kids," he told them. He then left.

Bayonetta and Samus looked at each other and shared identical grins.

00000

That night, all the young smashers were seated in the den. Samus came in, carrying the book; Bayonetta followed behind.

Popo groaned. "You're dumping another fanfic on us, aren't you?"

"Shut your yap, boy," Bayonetta countered.

Samus sat down, opened the book, and began to read.

00000

 **It's my headcanon that Samus, Bayonetta, Chell (Portal), Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), and Juliet Starling (Lollipop Chainsaw) are good friends. And that Juliet loves making fanfictions of her friends.**

 **Please R &R, and I'll see you next time!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Once upon a time, there was a handsome young prince. While he was well-liked by many a woman, he had a dark heart and a cold demeanor.

One day, a beggar woman came to his door, asking for food and shelter. She offered him a simple but beautiful gift in a single white rose. He refused to give her hospitality.

The beggar shed her disguise to reveal that she was the goddess Palutena. She cursed the prince, turning him into a hideous beast. All his castle servants, she turned into household objects.

She gave him an enchanted mirror for him to see the outside world with. The rose was enchanted as well; it would stay in bloom until his 21st birthday. If he did not find someone who truly loved him in that amount of time, he would stay a beast forever.

00000

Ten years later...

In late 18th-century France, there was a small town. In that town lived a young woman named Samus. She lived with her father Rodney, a merchant.

Now, she was considered beautiful by the townsfolk, but "a bit odd". Why? She loved to hunt and be free, highly unusual for a woman of her time. Even weirder, her father highly encouraged it.

Despite this, she was constantly beset upon by the most popular man in the village, a Douglas J. Falcon. He would not rest until he made her his bride, but Samus knew what that meant: doing his chores, giving him sons, and-gasp-never hunting again.

Today was like any other day. Samus had bought gunpowder from the gunsmith-who didn't care what gender his customers were as long as they bought something-and was heading home when she bumped into Douglas.

"Hey, good-lookin'," he greeted her, wiggling his eyebrows. "What's shakin'?"

Samus rolled her eyes. "First of all, buzz off. Second, those are some horribly inappropriate words for this time."

"Oh, c'mon bae, won't you just gimme a chance?"

"No," she growled, walking away.

Three women nearby-Peach, Zelda, and FemCorrin-gave her a look. "She must be crazy to turn him down!" Peach exclaimed.

Zelda nodded. "None of us weak, simple-minded women appropriate to this time would!" she agreed.

"Oh well, more of him for us!" FemCorrin swooned. "Yoo-hoo, Douglas!"

Douglas' faithful sidekick, Olimar, walked up to him. "Don't worry, Douglas, you'll get her one day."

Douglas smiled. "We'll be engaged by the end of the day. You'll see!"

00000

Samus made it to her house. "Dad, you don't happen to have any of those new spray containers, would you?"

Rodney tossed her one. "Here. Oh, I'm going into the next town for a few days. Want anything?"

She smiled. "Not much. Maybe a new gun. Or, if you can't find one, a rose."

Rodney smiled. "Alright then. See you later." With that, he left.

Samus took some water and the gunpowder she'd bought and poured it into the spray can. She then shook it up.

 _Hopefully, this'll mean no more pick-up lines_ , she thought, smiling.

00000

Lightning lit up the forest as Rodney rode through on his trusted horse, Epona. He had no idea which way the town was...or where the road was, for that matter.

He finally came across a huge castle. It was looked quite dark and cold, and certainly not hospitable.

But shelter was shelter, and Rodney chose to enter the castle.

He got off of Epona. "If anything happens to me, run home," he told her. With that, he entered the castle.

A bolt of lightning crashed down near Epona, scaring her into running home.

00000

Inside the castle, there sat a few household objects. A clock, a candelabra, a mop, a teapot, and a teacup.

The sound of the door woke the candelabra up from its nap. He looked to where the door was and gasped.

"Marth! Ike! FemRobin! Wake up!" he hissed, bringing the other objects out of their slumber.

"...huh? What's happening, Roy?" the mop asked sleepily.

"I just heard someone enter the castle!"

That woke up everyone there.

The little teacup, Lucina, looked up at the teapot, worried. "What's going on, mama?" she asked.

"Don't worry," the teapot, FemRobin, reassured her. "Hopefully it's a good thing."

They stayed still and watched Rodney enter the room. "Hello?" he called. "Is anyone here?"

"Drat," the clock, Marth, muttered. "I was hoping it was a chick."

"Yeah. Unless our master's gay, that's not gonna work," Roy, the candelabra, added.

"Marth's gay," the mop, Ike, snickered.

"Shut up!" Marth yelled.

"Guys! Quiet!" FemRobin hissed. "He's going to hear us!"

"Either I'm hallucinating, or I'm listening to objects insult each other."

Everyone whirled around to see Rodney staring at them.

Lucina hopped forward. "You're not hawucinating, mistah! Unca Marth and Unca Ike argue wike that all the time!"

"Who are you?" Rodney asked cautiously.

"I'm Wucina, the teapot's my mama, Unca Marth is the cwock, Unca Roy is the candle thingy, and Unca Ike's the mop!"

"Ahem! The manliest mop _ever!_ " Ike protested, striking a pose.

FemRobin rolled her eyes and hopped forward. "My name's FemRobin. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Is there any explanation as to why you can all talk?" Rodney asked.

FemRobin sighed. "Long ago, we were cursed into these forms. Our only hope of being human again lies within our master, who must find true love to lift the curse."

"Okay..."

Then a thumping could be heard.

"Crud," Ike whispered, "here he comes."

A roar sounded. " _You let someone in!_ "

Into the room came a hideous monster of a man.

His skin was pure white. His eyes were black orbs, lacking pupils. His teeth were sharpened to a point. His hands ended in black claws. His hair was a giant mess of black snakes. His legs were covered in black scales. Black wings jutted out of his back. He wore a dark purple toga with gold trim, a gold laurel-leaf crown, and brown leather sandals.

He took a look at the frightened Rodney, then turned to Marth. "What did I say about letting boyfriends in the castle?" he asked.

This sent Ike and Roy into hysterics.

Marth glared at them. "First of all, I'm _straight_! Second, I never met him before now! Third, he let himself in!"

The creature threw his glare back upon Rodney. "Fine. I'll lock him in the dungeon." He grabbed Rodney by the shirt collar.

Ike stopped laughing. "Master, you can't do that! He might have a family! He might be an important part of his church! He might infect us all with the flu!"

"Try and stop me," the beast growled, dragging Rodney down to his dungeon.

00000

"Umm, Samus?" Nana interrupted. "Can I say something?"

Samus groaned. "What is it? The story's not believeable? The characters all suck? Why do we keep reading you fanfics?"

"No, Dark Pit's right behind you."

Samus blushed slightly and spun around. Sure enough, standing in the doorway to the den, was Dark Pit.

"Awkward," Bayonetta muttered.

"How much of the story did you hear?" Samus asked him.

"Enough to know how I'm described," he muttered.

Bayonetta patted the space next to her. "C'mon and sit down, Dark. There's room for one more on the Fanfic Awkwardness Train."

He sat down and looked at Samus. "Well? Continue."

Samus cleared her throat and started reading again.

00000

 **To get an idea of what the Beast would look like, I thought about Hades and Medusa from** ** _Kid Icarus_** **. Hence the snake hair.**


End file.
